Communication

Do you often find yourself misunderstanding others? Do you have difficulty getting your point across clearly? When it comes to communication, what you say - and don't say - are equally important.

"Being a great communicator isn't a skill that everyone is born with, but it's definitely one that can be learnt."

Why is communication important?

If there's a problem, conflict, mistake or misunderstanding it usually comes down to a breakdown in communication. Remember that communication is a two-way process; a message is formulated and sent, then received and interpreted. There's plenty of room for things to go wrong, so it's important to make sure your message is as effective as possible.

How do I learn communication skills?

"Pick words to suit the person you're speaking to," suggests Communication Coach, Mark Moorely. "Think clearly about what message you want to get across and choose your words carefully. Make sure your words, tone of voice and body language match each other."

Mark also believes it's important to understand their point of view. "Be aware of the prejudices you may both have in place and how they are likely to react to what you're saying," he says.

How do I overcome my nerves?

Being a great communicator isn't a skill that everyone is born with, but it's definitely one that can be learnt. If you feel tense when you begin a conversation, try to relax by breathing deeper. The more oxygen you take in, the more relaxed your muscles become; by relaxing your body you will relax your mind.

What do I need to do to communicate effectively with others?

Mark says you can become a great communicator by:

Listening: This is much harder than it sounds, as listening to someone takes a lot of concentration. When we listen we can be affected by our own ideas and prejudices, emotions, guess work and lack of attention. So concentrate, listen to the whole message and don't interrupt. Listening is one of the most effective ways to show interest in another person, so nod your head in agreement, make little response noises and use prompters like "that's interesting" or "tell me more".
Asking questions: Begin your questions with 'why', 'what' or 'where'? Open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" answer encourage the other person to talk. Find out the details and become interested in what the person is talking about.
Repeating: Echo what you've heard and ask questions to show that you have really been listening.
Smiling: The more you smile, the more attention you show to the other person. It shows you are friendly and open and encourages them to react positively to what you're saying.
Remembering people's names: Greet them in a friendly manner and speak to them with courtesy and respect.
Using non-verbal communication: This can be more meaningful than the words you use, so always send the suitable non-verbal message that supports your words. For example, don't yawn while saying how interesting they are, instead nod enthusiastically.
Focusing on the person you're speaking to: Make them feel like the most important person in the universe. It will definitely enhance the effectiveness of communication.

Written by Lisa Clark

Updated:14/04/2010

Become a Lifetracker and create a personal to-do list by selecting tasks at the end of our articles. Sign up here and start your to-do list today!

Learn how to accept compliments. Many people find it difficult, but having a negative reaction can sour the moment for the person who offered the compliment. So if someone praises you, thank them and smile.
Improve your body language. If you're tense about meeting new people, take deep breaths, relax your body and put a smile on your face. Your confidence will shine through. If you're job hunting, read our guide to body language at interviews for more tips.
Ask open-ended questions to get the conversation going. For example, "Did you enjoy the concert?" is a closed question. "What did you like best about the Concert?" is an open question that invites more discussion. Every time you ask someone a question, mentally ask yourself if it was open or closed – and think how you could rephrase it for a better response.
Learn to deal with conflict. If you find yourself reacting in the same way every time you disagree with someone you may not be communicating as effectively as you could. Try this exercise on dealing with workplace conflict to help you understand your own reactions and how you could change them for a better outcome.
Communicating with others isn't just about talking – how we come across in emails and on the phone is important, too. Pick the best mode of communication each time you have to contact someone by practising how you would say the same thing by email, phone or face to face.
In some cases, communication may completely break down. If you find yourself in this situation at work, you may need to get a mediator, such as your manager or HR, involved. If the problem is at college or university, you may need to talk to your student services or tutor.

How was it for you?

What do you think of Lifetracks.com and has it helped you? For your chance to win a £20 Amazon voucher, complete our short survey and help us make the website as useful as possible.