I'm dating a work colleague
Finding love at work is not uncommon - after all, you're around your colleagues eight hours a day. Employers are often less than impressed though, with some companies even banning workplace romances. Lifetracks.com finds out what happens when harmless flirting turns into more than a fling.
"People were OK to my face and were professional when Julie was around, but there was a lot of gossip behind our backs."
When cupid strikes
Finding love in the workplace is not uncommon. Around 40% of respondents to a careerbuilder.com survey admitted to having an affair at work – often with someone in a higher position than themselves.
Dave Robinson was a 19-year-old care assistant when he became romantically involved with his 33-year-old boss.
"We'd got off with each other a few times but it didn't become serious until I had a bike accident," he says. "When I took my sick note into work, she said I should go to hers that night so she could change my dressings. One thing led to another and we ended up going out together for six-and-a-half years."
When you think about how long you spend at work, it's not surprising that so many employees end up becoming attracted to one another. However, work-based relationships can have consequences far outside the usual boy/girl stuff. So what do you need to look out for?
Company policy
Although not against any UK law, having a sexual relationship with your boss may be against company policy, depending on where you work.
"Everyone at the high street retailer where we worked was fine with my relationship with my boss, Jen, except the assistant manager," Dan Kilby recalls. "She pulled Jen aside and spelled out the company's policy – if two employees get together, one of the couple has to transfer to another store. Neither of us wanted to leave town but I was ready to do something different, so I left and got another job."
They did what?
If you're contemplating an affair with your boss you need to make sure you've got the hide of a rhino because the minute your colleagues find out, tongues will start wagging.
"We kept our relationship secret at first because Julie was concerned that her authority would be undermined," says Dave. "A few of our closer friends at work guessed and the rest found out when we turned up together to an open day at another care home.
"People were OK to my face and were professional when Julie was around, but there was a lot of gossip behind our backs. It went on for about a year, making it a really unpleasant place to work at times. It stopped once they realised that our relationship was no threat to them or their chances of promotion."
Career snakes and ladders
Trying to 'sleep your way to the top' is never a good idea. Even if you do genuinely have feelings for someone, it can have an adverse effect on your career if that person happens to be your boss.
"Whenever there was a training course or promotion available, I felt like I couldn't put myself forward because people would think I'd only got it because of who I was with," says Dave. "Also, if any minor disciplinary issues did come up involving me, I'd get pulled up on it at home as well as work. Julie would always want to know why I had or hadn't done something, because she thought it reflected badly on her."
Unhappy endings
Not every work-based couple is as lucky as Dan and Jen, who are now happily married with a two-year-old daughter. When 22-year-old Sarah Green split up with her boss, the break-up caused problems inside and outside of work.
"I left my boyfriend for my boss but a month later he told me he had too much going on in his life to carry on seeing me," she says. "Six weeks later we were both at a wedding and it transpired that he was sleeping with his boss. I hurled a drink over him, called him a poor excuse for a man and got both of us thrown out."
Sarah found going back to work a nightmare. Not only did she have to put up with gossiping colleagues, but also a now awkward relationship with her boss. "He tried to keep it professional, but I could tell he thought I was a silly little girl and in the end the bad feeling became too much and I left."
By Paul French
Updated:10/01/2011
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